Another Mother’s Day has rolled around.
To be honest for me; it’s just another “event day” where I spend most of the time with my fingers in my ears and wait for it to be over.
As with most things that involve sentimental thought and present organising; I sort it. I ensure that Ophelia’s Nonna and Grandma have a present in addition to sorting something for Andrew’s Grandmas. Andrew’s great at many things but he somehow doesn’t quite get it when it comes to being romantic or picking presents. When we first started going out he said he’d got me a really great present and that I’d really like it…..he’d set up wireless internet in my flat!
So this year was no different in that respect. I booked an afternoon tea at a local café that we could enjoy as a family (except now we can’t as cafes have been ordered to close.) Enough to be doing something but not too much and allowing myself to wander how it would be with our two girls.
As I spend a lot of time sorting out the “noise aspects” of the day I don’t really give myself the time I should have to acknowledge my version of motherhood. It’s yet another occasion where I see the empty space; the missing giggle when running around the dog. I want desperately to hear that in stereo no matter how much Ophelia laughs; I want to hear Alexandra with her.
I remember my first Mother’s Day in 2016. I was very early on with my pregnancy with Ophelia. I can’t remember what we did. I do remember being acknowledged as a Mum by a few people but not many. It was nearly 6 months after Alexandra’s death and I guess it wasn’t really on anyone’s radar. I know I certainly wouldn’t have thought to acknowledge the day with a bereaved Mum before I was in this club for fear of intruding. I did get a really thoughtful stained glass purple flower from our friend Emma that currently is on Ophelia’s window.
So whether this is your first or whether like me you’re a few years in or even decades in, I think it’s important to take the time to remember our children who aren’t here.
If you know a bereaved Mum, remember to check in with them; especially if it’s their first and especially as we’re in the age of Covid19.
You’ll know your friend the best but I don’t think that you can go far wrong with a thoughtful message, a gift with their child’s name on it, a picture of you writing their child’s name somewhere.
In these crazy times I would definitely recommend using Etsy, Not on the High Street etc to support the self-employed. Thortful are doing special cards again this year in collaboration with Hannah Pontillo.
Anything is better than nothing.
I’ll be spending the day in self isolation cuddling my family and remembering Alexandra in our little clan.